HAPPY NEW YEAR! I have had the urge to write for quite some time now, but then life happened.
I’ve had several drafts ready to go regarding toddler stuff or fashion stuff but I had to simply just write about life as of lately and being a working mommy/wifey.
I’ve previously posted that I’m constantly riddled with working mommy/wife guilt. Has it gotten better? Nope, but it’s bearable. I think I’ve come to the conclusion that it’ll never go away and that’s no one else’s fault but my own. I shouldn’t feel bad about having to take care of my family whether that be financially or emotionally. What matters is that I’m giving all that I can.
I have been quite busy at work for past 3 months. That includes logging in time over the holidays. Unfortunately, I have the opposite schedule of a tax accountant or a traditional auditor. I do work for a public accounting firm; however, my busy season started at the end of September and doesn’t end until February. There are weeks that are a little more slow-paced than others. There are weeks that are intense but every week is different. Every day is different. I’d like to think that I’ve dealt with it all day by day, situation by situation. The one thing that’s keeping me strong and empowered through all this, even if I am busy and overwhelmed, is my family. My time with them is EXACTLY what I need to de-stress and calm down to push through the work week. Sometimes I wish I could give more at home (Trying to control and do everything for them. Be very Type A.), but frankly we’re happy, so why fix something that not broke. Sure the laundry doesn’t get folded and put away immediately or the dishes pile up some days, but we’re fine. The attention and love I give them is more than enough. My husband has been the MOST amazing and supportive person. When I start expressing my feelings of guilt, he tells me to stop because he’s not complaining nor is Eva. He tells me to take the time to do what I need to. And while I still feel guilt deep down at the pit of my stomach, that weight on my shoulder is lifted. They are simply the best.
And while I previously said if it’s not broken, don’t fix it, I’m still trying to find the right schedule for me that doesn’t burn me out, carves out some me-time, keeps me productive at work and that works around my family’s schedule. I want to have the energy (spiritually, emotionally, and physically) to be the best mommy/wifey/working professional that I can. Sounds so idealistic right? Of course, there are some things that need to give for that to happen. Get more sleep, yet wake up early to workout and to get to work earlier. Maybe lessen the time working at night after Eva’s goes down for bed (I try not to work at home until she’s asleep. My poor husband, sometimes (not always) our QT gets invaded with work). I’m getting there and realizing what works day by day. I know nothing will ever be as perfect as I idealize, but as long as we’re all happy… I can’t ask for anything more. They are my everything.
So in light of that, I’m going to deem this year to be gentler to myself. My goal is not to be so hard on myself and while I’m better at that than when I was in my 20s, there’s still room for improvement. Here’s to whatever makes us happy and having a healthy new year!
And with that said, I’m going to try to publish at least one post once a week this year. Writing makes me happy. Being creative makes me happy. Cooking and being creative in the kitchen and sharing all that with you makes me happy. I put this blog aside last year to figure out how working outside the home was working for me and my family. I hope to post more than once a week, but I’m determine to have at least 52 posts up this year. 🙂 Until next week.