my newest journey…

I’m baaaaack.  Let’s all have a moment and laugh at my last post, talking about posting weekly last year.

Ok.  That was a good one, but as they say… Life happens.

The beginning of last year through last summer was a bit bumpy.  I was so busy with work since we were understaffed.  Thereafter, I was busy training new staff on top of my own work.  Thankfully, things started settling down in the fall. Even though work was demanding, I wasn’t dreading it.  I kind of figured out the flexibility needed in work and in life (work-life balance is an overused word.  one day I’ll talk about how my senior manager, the partners, and the managing partner of my firm have changed my mind about this term) but I wasn’t feeling confident about my body image.

Since starting at the firm 2 years ago, which coincidentally was when I stopped breastfeeding Eva, I slowly started gaining weight.  I noticed I was gaining weight but it wasn’t until last summer where I was really conscious about it.  My suit pants that I had interviewed in did not fit.  The last two years, I would go through periods of working out but it was a few weeks here or there and then I would stop for several months.  It was a constant struggle to sustain the exercise momentum.  It didn’t help that I was pretty idle sitting in the office or a client’s office or my car.  In late winter/early spring, there were always treats in the office due to the busy tax season, which I hardly passed up.  I wasn’t eating unhealthily but the lack of moving my body, eating a good amount of simple carbs (I typically eat a good portion of vegetables) versus not eating enough lean protein and complex carbs was causing me to pack on the pounds.

I was so insecure about my body.  We had 2 weddings to go to last year and before each one I would try to cut out carbs for 2 weeks, which of course, didn’t work.  Before each wedding, I went dress shopping and got so frustrated with how the dresses looked on me. I’d find something with my body that I wasn’t happy about and go on this downward spiral for a few days.  The one area that I would really scorn myself about was my tummy.  The mama pooch.  The same one that held my sweet baby for 9 months.  I found myself opting for loose fitting shirts to hide my tummy and would always tug on my shirts or put my arms in front of my stomach to hide it.  I hated shopping because I constantly felt like things didn’t look good on my frame.  I went to my friend’s July wedding and it was fine.  But I knew I had to whip myself back into shape.

Come late summer my sister introduced me to Kayla Itsines.  I tried it but again I tried and I stopped.  Then somehow months later, I don’t remember how I got there, I found Tone It Up.  Soon I found myself purchasing the nutritional plan.  For my cousin’s October wedding, I was trying to decide if I should to the 7 Day Slim Down or a juice cleanse.

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Taken in October. When I saw this picture, I found myself going through an emotion of insecurities. Beginning with my tummy is big and my thighs look bigger.

Instead, I followed the general nutritional plan of Tone It Up and ate lean clean and green.  Focusing on leaner protein and a good amount of veggies.  I lost a few pounds prior to the wedding but nothing substantial.  Somehow between October and Christmas I dropped a few more pounds.  Perhaps it was eating well?  Perhaps it was because I was sick every other week for a month and a half (darn toddlers!)?  BUT even after I dropped those pounds I still felt insecure.  I was still pretty insecure about my tummy.

Then Tone it Up came out with their January 8 week challenge.  I figured, why not?  I didn’t follow the plan to a T, but I started seeing definition in my muscles.  My clothes felt a little looser and I felt a little more energetic.  But the scale didn’t move much and I was OK with that.  I was seeing progress.  I felt stronger.  I had setbacks and there were days I didn’t want to workout but I kept at it.  I worked out for 4-6 days a week.  After the challenge was over, I struggled a bit due to some unplanned traveling, sickness, etc., BUT I still worked out at least 3x a week, even if it was just yoga.  I would be a bit hard on myself because I wouldn’t do xyz workout or I didn’t workout 5x that week.  But then I took a step back and reflected.  I was still moving my body. I was still committed and kept that momentum going.  That in itself was something to be proud of.  I was still sustaining this healthy/fit/exercising lifestyle.  Clothes fitting loosely?  That was something to be proud of.  Am I completely comfortable with my tummy area at this point in time?  NOPE!  But I feel more confident than I did in July or October.  I’m proud of where I am and I hope to improve.  Sure there were setbacks, but I keep reminding myself to enjoy life and that slice of cake or glass of wine.  If there’s a miss-step, the next meal is around the corner and/or tomorrow is a new day!  There is no need to overthink and beat myself about it.  Choose to be positive.

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The images in the same outfit are at taken in October and January.  Then February and then earlier this week.  Not a huge change but I’m making small strides!  It’s the journey not the race.

So I invite you to join me on my newest journey, my fitness journey!  Follow me here, my instagram account, @fitn3ssa.

Stay tuned here also for mommy, travel, and foodie posts.  It’s good to be back!

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